June 17, 2003

My name is Joan and I will always be Eric's mom. My son Eric was born on this date seven years ago but I was only blessed to be with my wonderful little boy for only 4 ½ years of my life. The day he was born, he changed my life forever. I remember our eyes met for the first time after he took his first breath. I sang to him and soothed his cries immediately.

Through the years I watched him grow into a happy and smart little boy. We used to sing: "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family". He was so wise beyond his years. He loved books, the computer, puzzles, hot wheels, videos, rhyming and just spending time with his family and friends. He was always at my side. I used to love just staring at him play and looking at books. I loved being Eric's mom.

On February 27, 2001 everything changed. You see my little boy choked on a piece of hotdog and died immediately. The world stopped for me and when I looked around he had flown off. Since then my life and this world have been impoverished by his absence. I will never understand why this had to happen and what purpose it served.

As much as I wished to be with him, I could not abandon my daughter and husband. You see I love them too. It is not fair to be torn between this world and the next, and yet I am. Life seems to go on like it or not.

I know how fast you can lose someone you love, so I try to show my love to everyone in my life. I will spend the rest of my life showing my daughter Stacy how much I've always loved her, that we are still a family and how much I appreciate that she is a part of my life. I have learned that I can feel moments of joy when I am with my Stacy because after all I am and always will be Stacy's mom too.

I have learned to keep Eric "around me" even though I cannot see him anymore. My soul knows he is with me all the time. I feel him when the flowers bloom, when the wind blows, when the sun and stars shine, when the leaves fall, when the clouds move, and when the snow falls. I close my eyes and I can hear him say: "I love you mommy" and I can feel his hugs and kisses. My name is Joan and I will always be Eric's mom.